Signs Are All Around Us

Ever go through a season in life where it is just hard? Things are not going as planned and there is nothing you can do to make it better? And you just feel stuck, wondering when you’ll start swimming again instead of treading in water? Yeah, those seasons are no fun. I feel ya. My hardest season in life has been a season through grief. Grief can show its ugly face in any form. Most people see it as after death of a person. But it can come after any type of loss in life; a marriage, a friendship, your health, your job whatever situation allowed you to feel a sense of loss. Grief can settle in at any point while you’re trying to navigate through your feelings. It’s a tough battle. But know that during those times in your life God is there and still remains. He will remain present in your time of need.  Be sensitive to how he is showing his faithfulness to you.

My hardest season in life has been a season through grief

I mentioned a little bit about my son Oliver in a previous post Behind the Blog and gave not even a cliff’s notes worth version of his story and that season. We’re coming up on his birthday next week, the 27^th and I find myself going back in time just for a little bit thinking about all we went through. It’s crazy to me, looking back at how fast time goes. We will be celebrating his 4^th birthday. Each year we always take a small trip to celebrate him and his life. He is very much a part of our life. Lincoln from time to time will talk about him and always includes him in his family drawings, it is the sweetest. But getting to this place was not easy. There were a lot of tears, a lot of soul searching, lots of moments when I felt helpless, lost, lonely, depressed, anxious, fearful; so many feelings to navigate through. I never imagined that I would ever have to deal with any of these feelings. Now in hindsight I see what God was doing. I have seen a glimpse of the “why” that I asked so many times in that season. And through it all He was watching out for us, giving us signs showing us His presence in our darkest days.  

There were a lot of tears, a lot of soul searching, lots of moments when I felt helpless, lost, lonely, depressed, anxious, fearful so many feelings to navigate through.

This past week, we all celebrated Valentine’s Day, the day of “love”. For all you romantics out there, I’m sorry but Valentine’s is just not my thing. So, we don’t celebrate, just kidding, but not really. I was so busy during the week with my job and getting things together for Lincoln’s Valentine’s party (yay for being class mom) that I didn’t realize how fast the day was coming. I mean I knew it was, but I didn’t (anyone ever felt that way?) I was taking Lincoln to school that day and because I do lists in my head I was going over everything I needed for his Valentine’s Day Party. My phone was shuffling through songs and the song It is Well by Bethel sung by Kristene DiMarco came on. This song is so special to me and that time in my life. This song brought me hope. It took me out of the darkness that I was living in after Oliver passed away. It is well, with my soul. You truly need to come to a place of surrender for God to continue his good work in you. As the song is playing, Lincoln is talking with me, I’m going through the list in my head and my eyes welled up with tears. It was in that moment I realized my little love bug was saying, hi to me on this day of love. Prior to that day I had not had an Oliver moment (that’s what we call them when we get sad and think about him and the life we would have) since Christmas. I thanked God and Oliver for that moment. That one moment reminded me of God’s love. His love is so great. He brought joy to my soul in that moment as I thought about my little man. Ironically too on a day I don’t care much for. He had my attention.

You truly need to come to a place of surrender for God to continue his good work in you.

I believe God will do what he can to get our attention. Most of the time it’s a simple gesture or symbol of some sort to help us get through a hardship. He has never once forgotten us even when we forget about Him. Signs are all around we need to be sensitive to them. Think about all the signs He gave His people just by reading the bible. God gave us the rainbow as a promise that He would not flood the earth again. His symbol for peace to Noah was the olive branch that the dove brought back to him after the flood. Jesus’ blood that was shed for us so that our sins can be forgiven, and grace can be extended. He will show you His presence during your struggles. Later that day after Lincoln’s party we were on our way to Costco and on the radio the song No Longer Slaves by Bethel played. Another song where God showed himself to me during that season. It’s not that I was having a bad day and was sad about Oliver. It was that on that day, the day of “love” God showed me His love through the promises He made to me. He will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6, NLT). He goes before us. I am thankful for those moments that He gives me. I was caught up in the day of “To Do’s” I forgot to appreciate what the day represents. His love for me is never ending. His love for you is never ending. As the song was playing I looked back at Graecia and Lincoln was warmed by their presence and that God would remind me that he does not forget.  

Signs are all around we need to be sensitive to them

I am so grateful that God cares for me so much that He showed me his faithfulness just by giving me songs and gestures of peace. Oliver is the olive tree. The olive tree symbolizes fruitfulness, beauty and dignity. By extending an olive branch from the olive tree this signifies an offer of peace. I remember the day that changed our perspective on life. We were going in for the routine 20-week anatomy scan and gender reveal. I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t know what. In my head I was praying, God let this be nothing, don’t let me worry. As the doctor came in and spoke words that I never wanted to hear not viable for life outside the womb I told God, no I do not accept this. Isaac and I prayed as soon as the doctor left the room, both of us in tears.

The olive tree symbolizes fruitfulness, beauty and dignity. By extending an olive branch from the olive tree this signifies an offer of peace.

That evening Isaac went out of town and as awesome as God is showed Isaac what we should name this champion of a boy and brought us a feeling of comfort that we could not explain. As Isaac is walking through the Las Vegas strip (yes, Vegas. God does His thing no matter where you are), he’s praying and frustrated at the same time. He didn’t know what to make out of our situation and was upset that he didn’t feel anything. No anger, no sadness, no fear, nothing. As he’s walking he starts to notice the word olive. Once, twice, then the third time he realizes it’s a pattern. After the fourth time He knew God was speaking to him and showing him something. I was turning 30 the next week and he was looking for something to get me. He walks into a jewelry store and explains to the sales associate that he wanted to buy something that represented two (for two boys). They are walking through the store and he begins to get frustrated because he can’t find what he’s looking for. In his frustration he explains to the lady why he wants something to represent two. He tells her a bit of our situation and she immediately takes him to a different section in the store. She shows him a new line that just came out, and as Isaac is looking at them he notices leaves and he’s thinking, why did this chick bring me here? She tells him, do you know what those are?  He says, no. She says these are olive branches. Olive is a symbol for peace and life. Isaac was taken aback. This was God yelling at him saying, PEACE, I am giving you PEACE not anger, fear, or sadness, but PEACE! Isaac left the store went and did some research on the olive branch, peace and the name Olive. In Latin Olive is a symbol for peace, Oliver is the masculine form. Immediately he knew we needed to name him Oliver. When he came home and told me the story, I was in awe. On any normal day, had he told me the name Oliver was on the table it probably would have been an immediate no. But I knew, there was a feeling that changed in me as he told me his story and that had to be his name.

Olive is a symbol for peace

He gave me peace and taught me how to have peace. I’ve said that before. God is so good, and He is all around. Just walk outside and see His wonderful works. You and I are also his best creations. In your darkest of days God is talking. He is showing you that you are not alone, and He sees your pain, He sees your fears, He knows your sadness. He has not left you. On the day of Oliver’s birth, it snowed. How crazy is that?! There was a crazy snow storm that came in unexpectedly. Do y’all know what snow represents? While some would consider snow falling and the winter represents hardships or death. The bible on the other hand represents snow as purity and cleanness. Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow (Psalm 51:7). Though your sins be as scarlet, I will make them as white as snow (Isaiah 1:18). And the snow kept falling. When we got home from the hospital, I woke up at around 2am like I did every night because that little man was either rolling around or pushing on my bladder. I woke up Isaac and told him to get up, so we could go outside. He thought I was crazy, but I just lost a child so crazy is what we did ;). It was still snowing that evening and I knew there was fresh snow on the ground. There is something about the fresh snow that absorbs the sound and everything is still. The sparkling blanket of snow that covers the ground is so beautiful especially when it has never been touched. We sat in the front yard on our retaining wall in beautiful silence. We were admiring the snow, its beauty and the silence that deafened the sky. That dark day when we should be grieving most, here we are sitting in silence surrounded by purity. Warmed by Gods presence and embracing the hug and the love He was showing us in this moment.

Purify me from my sins,^[a] and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Psalm 51:7

God shows his beauty in so many ways. God does not fail us. Some seasons are hard, but I truly believe that in the hardest seasons of life is when God shows us who He is the most. He embraces us with His presence. We can’t be consumed with our problems, that is just what the devil wants. He wants to distract us from Gods presence. If you take notice of something out of the ordinary or by something you normally would not recognize, that is God. The signs are all around us. He will show you his faithfulness in those dark days. Trust in Him and be on the lookout.

I truly believe that in the hardest seasons of life is when God shows us who He is the most