I am going to be real. I hate being wrong and I hate admitting that I did something worth apologizing for. Especially to the ones closest to me. It seems like the ones we care about the most get to see the worst sides of us. Maybe it’s because we are always around them and are comfortable with them, but somedays those fruits of the spirit just don’t exist, right? We need to be first to forgive and let go of our pride, and boy is it hard! Our human nature is to put fault on the person that did us wrong. Just as the bible says we are too worried about the speck in someone else’s eye that we can’t see the plank in our own (Matthew 7:3-5).
How we react and why we react to certain things can be brought upon us not just by a direct action of a person, but also through the circumstances or the environment around us. It begins to wear us down and unfortunately at our breaking point someone gets hit with our nonsense (an explosion of our emotions). So when we do something or say something out of anger, frustration or sadness we might feel like what we did or said was justified. I know that I do. Well if this hadn’t happened then I wouldn’t have done that. Or, if that person hadn’t said that then I wouldn’t have reacted how I did. No matter who is on the receiving end of your explosion, our first reaction is to defend ourselves. I rationalize in my mind all the reasons why it was okay that I did what I did. I get so mad sometimes I don’t even think that what I did was inappropriate or out of line, they deserved it. I know sounds mean. But like I have said, this is a platform to be authentic. It’s real life.
One day I exploded. My husband was playing a video game, he was preoccupied. The first time I ask a question, no answer. The second time I ask a question, no answer. The third time I ask he gives a small acknowledgment with some type of grunt. The fourth time I ask, no answer again. It’s frustrating. You want to be listened to and paid attention to. So as my frustration began to build while trying to remain peaceful and self controlled the words and the actions just left my body. Then that moment hit me. When you say something or do something you immediately regret and realize, oh shoot I should not have done that. Well that is what happened to me. Thank God he gave me such grace, my husband and also God. But in the moment knowing I was wrong I defended my response to my frustration.
We both had to take awhile to process what had happened. While I was festering with my emotions and blaming him for not listening I heard God say, You need to apologize first. Like I mentioned in the beginning I hate admitting when I am wrong. Also, my husband is always so good at being the first to apologize. I almost expect it most of the time. So when I heard God telling me to apologize first my pride puffed up, um no God, he never listens. I always have to repeat myself. And immediately God said it again, apologize first. So as I am working on my apology and preparing on what I was going to say to my husband God spoke again, this time do it without saying but. I seriously battled in my mind with God. I actually was trying to plead my case to Him. Yes, I am going to apologize but he needs to understand why I exploded. Why I reacted the way I did. He needs to know so he can work on himself.
Guys for real, I was fighting with God on this. My pride wanted to take over. I wanted my husband to know he was wrong and because of that it gave me reason to act how I did. Then God again said, apologize without saying but. As much as I wanted to ignore what I was hearing I couldn’t. I knew I was wrong. I knew I overreacted. I knew all of these things. So I took a few more minutes to understand the whole situation. I focused on myself this time. If it were me on the receiving end, I would have been way less gracious than my husband was. And while I was apologizing I had to seriously be cognizant not to say, but if you would have responded I wouldn’t have reacted.
I know we all have dealt with a situation like this. We struggle with first removing the plank from our eye. I mean because really it was his fault, right? Forget that I was having a bad day. The kids were extra whinny and needy. My day at work was stressful and full of deadlines. The deadline I set for myself for this blog was coming up (this seriously happened a couple weeks ago, I am not perfect and am still working on myself). Or maybe for you it’s the paper that was due at 10pm but was late. The person who cut you off on your way home acted real classy. You spilled your drink in the car or on yourself. You were expecting someone to help you out and they cancelled. I can go on. There are so many things that happen around us that are out of our control. So when we do something or say something out of anger, frustration or sadness we might feel like what we did or said was justified. By God saying to me apologize without the but I knew I needed to ask for forgiveness from both God and my husband and my apology to both needed to be sincere.
Really think about it. How many times have you apologized to anyone and said but… and reminded them of what they did wrong. We need to first look at ourselves. How could you have responded differently? We should be asking God to show us our shortcomings and accept the direction he gives us. We are going to constantly be working on ourselves. The more we understand who God is the better we will understand who we need to be. Let’s be better at taking the plank out of our own eye before we start with the but. But is just the word that comes before the justification. Let’s not justify our shortcomings. Recognize them, be real about them so God can reveal to us who we are. Then we can heal. We can continue to be watered by acknowledging and working through our imperfections continuing the growing process.
And why worry about a speck in your friends eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! first get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.
Matthew 7:3-5 NLT