Maybe it’s just me, but I have struggled with where God wants me to be. I keep asking, God place me where you need me. Maybe I am asking the wrong question. Many times, I think I may be asking the wrong question on purpose. Probably because I am afraid of my true purpose. I fear where He actually will place me. Has anyone else ever felt that way? My lack of trust in where God wants me and what He wants me to do always finds me here in the desert. Just wondering hoping to land in the spot I need to be in. And, all I really want is for God to place in my lap the road-map to my treasure, to my purpose.
For some reason I keep finding myself in this place of feeling in a rut. My personality likes stability, so when I find that place of stability, you would think I would be fulfilled. Nope, that’s not how it works. God puts this tug on my heart that there is more to do. The cool thing about wanting more, is God’s will to grow us. He never wants us to stay where we are. If we stay where we are, we stop growing, and we jeopardize ourselves from walking into our purpose.
The hard part for me, is taking the next step. Taking action. Taking action means I have to do something. I have to initiate a step. No one else can do it for me. If I want change and I want to get rid of this feeling of being stuck, of having lack of purpose I have to figure out what to do next.
It all falls on me. I am the one who has to seek after God and figure out what He is calling me into. I have to seek Him, and advice from other’s whom I trust and who have the right wisdom to offer. It seems easy to do such a thing, right? It’s just a phone call, it’s just a question to ask. But I absolutely hate feeling vulnerable. I would rather run around naked before I ask anyone for a favor. It’s the fear and the insecurity in me that someone would say no, or criticize me. So if I don’t ask, then I don’t have to worry about the things I might be doing wrong. Sounds reasonable, right?
Understanding who You are
The sad thing is I recognize that I have held myself back. I continue to let my insecurities win, and the cycle continues. Feeling lost in the desert, with no sense of purpose. All because of my overthinking and the lies in my head that tell me there might be a possibility of someone saying no. Or they might tell me what I am doing is wrong, or that there is a better way.
I feel absolutely silly in saying all this. The truth is I get anxious and impatient in the waiting process. I am impatient, and I know that. I’ve been known to throw myself some pretty good pity parties. I want results right away. I constantly overthink everything. My Type A ,introvert, analytical (INFJ-T) mind wants to find all the answers, all the facts and get all the results before making a sound decision. I have been known to calculate my every move, and I have done this forever. And that, T at the end of my personality type (INFJ-T), is the insecurity and lack of confidence that all too often wins. It shows itself when I feel most out of my element. Which is why it’s hard for me to show my vulnerability.
Who You are Matters
Luckily, I also know a God that lives inside of me. A God that has helped me walk through my insecurities and overcome a lot of the issues that hold me back. I still have a lot of work to do, but I have also seen growth in me. Just the other day Isaac and I were talking about how much I have changed when it comes to certain situations. If we are not seeking after God and feeding ourselves with His word, then we remain stagnate in our faith. Worst of all we lose sight of who we are and become less like who God created us to be.
God created specific gifts and talents that He develops in us for His kingdom and for this world. I don’t know about you, but I have known that I have a sense of purpose that I am not yet living out. I just can’t quite grasp what it is that I am supposed to do. So while I have been feeling a void, an emptiness and a longing for something more. I found myself reading some great books.
5 Books for Your Purpose
Last year I committed to reading more, to help develop myself.
Yes, the Bible is our first source of truth. However, I also believe that enriching what God’s word says through other’s, weaves in us a better understanding of who God created us to be.
These books helped me realize that my success and my purpose is in my hands. God has already given me the skill set to do what I am set out to do. I have to learn to tap into that. My sense of purpose has already been assigned. It’s now up to me to start believing in myself. To tap into the truth of who God says I am and stop self sabotaging.
- Restless By Jennie Allen
This book takes you back to your childhood. Jennie walks you through your life and helps you breakdown any strongholds that you may have. She helps you see that the people, the struggles, and the things that you seem to always think about are your passions and those passions grow deeper through your struggles.
When you read this book, you need to be ready with your journal in hand. Jennie will help you write down and understand the thoughts that go through your mind. And how those thoughts are God thoughts. Those God thoughts are visions into your purpose. We just have to recognize them and trust in our courage to take the next step into walking into our purpose. I highly recommend this book. I am about to go through this book for the third time!
- Rooted by Banning Liebscher
Banning is the founder of Jesus Culture. I first read this book not knowing what I was getting into. I knew it was to help me understand the vision for my life. But what I learned is that God takes you to the places you need to go in order to get to where you need to be.
Chapter one of this book was the verse God gave me for this blog. She shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leave also shall not wither; and whatever she does shall prosper, Psalm 1:3. It was so crazy when I read those words in this book. Then the first sentence says, Deep inside every follower of Jesus is a desire to have a visible, lasting impact on the world. And this is truth. Our purpose is to impact the world through what God has given us. This book will help you find your courage and teach you how to use your experiences and the people around you to elevate your future.
- Pull it Off by Julianna Zobrist
I’ll be honest I only read this book because Julianna Zobrist is a wife to a Chicago Cubs player, Ben Zobrist (GO CUBS!). I love me some baseball and I am a huge Chicago Cubs fan. I was pleasantly surprised by the truth that she brings in learning to be vulnerable and transparent. By being vulnerable it allows us to learn to walk into our fears. And knowing who we are and who God sees we are, allows us to be more confident and secure in the areas of our life we feel insecure.
- Imperfect Courage by Jessica Honegger
Last year while I was aching and starving to know my purpose, I was looking for anything and everything to give me answers. Even though I already knew the answer deep down. I was waiting for God to yell at me in order to have a sense of direction. I needed His confirmation and encouragement to get me to move to the next step, or even just take the first step. I needed to feel qualified, and the only way I was going to feel that was if He gave me the road-map.
Jessica Honeggar talks about just doing. Do something. What does it matter if you fail, or you get a, no. Just do something. Easier said then done, because in my world with my personality, rejection is my number one fear. So if I don’t try I won’t be rejected, that’s how I see it. We all look at the successes of people, but we never get to see the progression or the struggles that come with their success. We all have growing pains to work through, but if we are willing He will provide. We will get to that place of courage, just let your fear take you there.
- You are a Badass by Jen Sincero
Not your conventional “christian” book recommendation. Because it’s not. Just know that there are other people, and other resources out there that still give you the motivation, encouragement and direction you may need to hear. I have this shirt from, Rubby’s Rubbish that says, somewhere between 90’s rap and Proverbs 31. I know who I am in Jesus. I know His truth, but I also know that there are successful people out there that have wisdom and something to offer for me in steps toward success.
Read at your own will. But this book does help you identify and change the self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors that stop you from getting what you want, blast past your fears so you can take big exciting risks.
