God’s Goodness

Has anyone by fussing before the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? If fussing can’t even do that, why fuss at all? Walk into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They don’t fuss with their appearance–but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don’t you think He’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do His best for you?

Luke 12:25-28 MSG

You would think that after all that God has done for me and brought me through that I would just trust in Him and the perfect peace that He has shown me throughout different seasons of life, right? But no I start getting selfish again (it’s a vicious cycle), and complain to God when things don’t go my way or how I planned it to be. Even as I write, I just want to punch myself and remind myself again to relax. God knows what is going to happen. He knows what the next steps are so stop stressing!

Easier said then done, I know. For every time that I know God has a plan, I for some reason can’t be patient long enough to wait for Him to show me my next move or a moment into the future so I can relax. We are human and I feel like from time to time that is to be expected. I think it’s also necessary to take time for ourselves to digest what we are feeling. Upset, sad, mad, broken, hurt whatever state you are in and let that settle a bit. Everyone wants to give you the christian answer, God has it all under control, He has a plan, don’t worry, everything will be fine, blah blah blah. And while I appreciated all the kind words and the encouragement from others, sometimes I just want to tell them to stop (and by stop I mean shut-up). I know it was all coming from a genuine place and a kind heart, but in the middle of the pain I didn’t want to hear the “church answer”. I needed people to be real with me and tell me, yeah it’s gonna suck, and it’s okay to be feeling all that you are. And that right there is what I want to say. It’s okay to feel how you are feeling. Sometimes we need to come to grips with our emotions for whatever situation we are going through first, before we can get back to the truth and the goodness of who God is.

After Oliver I knew I wasn’t ready for kids right away. And I did pray that God would provide at the right time in our lives. We had just moved to Texas. I just started a new job and knew that it would not be smart to have a baby so soon. I wanted to get settled into my career, into our routine in our new home, with new people and a new lifestyle. But always in the back of my mind I had this thought, okay God I know I said I wanted to wait, thank you, but are we going to have to worry about getting pregnant again? What can I do now so that when the time comes we don’t have to go through that whole hoping and praying part again. The fussing came in again even after I prayed to God, not yet. Really sometimes I should really just kick myself for the things I think and say to God. But thank goodness for His goodness. He forgets about that, and yet still works His will into our lives.

In 2017, I had a full on pity party for myself and with God about our family. I emotionally felt ready for another child. I knew the timing was right. All the reasons I wanted to wait were no longer an issue. We were settled. And yet cycle after cycle my period would come and go. I kept trying to stay positive knowing that He answered my prayer before. He got us through a hell of a season with Oliver. He’ll provide when the time is right. But yet I struggled with His timing. My personality is, right now. If I say I want something done, I want it now, not later. Just ask my husband, lol.

See I was comparing myself to everyone around me. All my friends and others around us at this point in life were on kid number three or four. I felt inadequate just having one. When I think back, I ask myself, why? And all I can say is, I thought God forgot about me. I was selfish and I felt cheated because I did have two kids, one just got to hang out with Jesus earlier. But I also knew that in the end He knew better than I did and I had to be okay with that, so I could continue to walk in His will. After my fussing I told God, you know my dreams and my hearts desire, but I also want to walk in your will for my life. I surrender and I will let you do what you know best.

While I was pregnant with Miss Graecia (He knows best :)). I was writing in my journal (whoop, whoop) praying for her and God brought this verse in my head (the one at the beginning of the blog), about the wildflowers. Living in Texas, wildflowers are a big deal. Heck the state flower is the Bluebonnet. Growing up in the desert I never once noticed them, or thought to pay attention to them. They were like weeds to me. But if you read through the scripture carefully, I love how Jesus says, walk into the fields and look at them. They don’t fuss with their appearance. The wildflowers don’t complain to God about how they look, how they were created and who looks at them. They exist just how they are, exactly where God put them. They bloom each year no matter the conditions. Then Jesus says, have you ever seen the color and design quit like it? Talking about the wildflowers. Each one is unique, they are a beautiful site among the fields.

We need to take to the character of the wildflowers. They don’t complain to God. Even when no one else pays attention to them. They will still continue to grow season after season. Their appearance is each different. Just like you and I. Our stories are all different. God created each of us with plans to prosper, to give us hope, to give us a future, to give us our own special story unique to our own selves (Jeremiah 29:11). And if that isn’t enough Jesus goes on to say, if God gives such attention to the wildflowers, don’t you think He’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do His best for you? Whoa! I remember reading this and thinking wow God, you put so much intention in creating these flowers that go unseen, and yet you also created us. You created us in your own image, a beautiful masterpiece. So why do we doubt God? Why do we think that he won’t attend to us? He only wants the best for us. He wants to prosper us. He knows the plans for us. He knows our needs and He knows the will in which we are supposed to walk in. God knows best! And yet we still struggle when we don’t see our prayers answered, or feel our desires have been forgotten.

God knows all you guys! He knows the beginning and the end. Fussing about our circumstances is not going to change anything. No one ever got taller by so much as an inch, so why fuss at all? Look I am in the same boat as you all. This area is going to be a daily battle. A battle of letting God be in control and writing our story out so we can be a beautiful wildflower in return to all His intention for us. He only wants the best for us. So when you feel cheated, forgotten, lost, lonely, jealous, angry remember that God takes pride in you. He takes pride in His creation. He saw all that was good and rested. We are His best creation. So let’s do Him a favor back (not that He needs it) and trust in Him. In His timing, in His process, in His will for us, in His plan, in the story He created uniquely for each one of us. Next time you see that wildflower, admire it so intently and thank God for also attending to you, and taking pride in you and doing the best for you. Be blessed and know that God’s goodness is working out for you